A USC Homer goes down Victory Lane.
by, 01-13-2010 at 11:56 AM (2106 Views)
Hi all. You may remember our previous visit from the USC homer. Well, I have been unable to keep up with him, because he was incarcerated for drunken and disorderly conduct for urinating on the cruiser of a Riverside county sheriff after USC's loss to Oregon in November. However, he was recently paroled, and I met with him to discuss the whirlwind that has been USC's coaching situation this week!
[size=3][i]WOOOOOO!!!! What up America! Seth here, representing Fonata and keeping it real for the one and only men of Troy! WOOOOO!!! And when I say keepin it real, I means keepin it real! I have just busted out from an injusticized prison term which I plan on suing about, for, I mean, you know. I was discriminated against for being the world's biggest USC fan! I told that D-Bag judge that I could tell he was a UCLA fag because he was wearing lipstick! He then upped my sentence! I am the first man ever put in jail for telling the truth! My lawyer told me he was wearing lipstick because the judge was acctually a woman, but I didn't buy it. Sure, USC has the HOTTEST chicks in the US of A, but even UCLA chicks aren't that ugly! No one could be!
However, no one wants to be bummed out by that, brah. We are here to talk about the 2011 BCS champions, the USC Trojans. How can we be champions next year you ask? It won't be easy. But it is a sure thing. How do you recover from losing the smartest, most successful, and best looking coach of all time? Hire his younger, smarter, hotter clone!
I don't blame Pete for leaving USC. When you are a God, you don't sit around forever and watch the people you made, you go out and make some aliens. Pete is living proof that people can get bored with winning. I think the only reason USC lost a game this year was so Pete could remember what it was like! I mean, how else can you explain it? We had more talent, better coaches, and hotter cheerleaders. If Pete even tried, we could have won every game by 50. Especially with the greatest QB in the history of football, one Matthew Barkley.
Matt Barkley had the greatest season in freshman history last year. I got into a huge fight with some Stanford ****** when he said Andrew Luck was a better QB. I would have won, but after beating him down, and like six of his friends, the rest overpowered me. Andrew Luck sucks! He is what his name says, Lucky! I can't wait until he comes back here, and we put him in a wheelchair. You won't look so lucky then rollerboy!
I can't wait to see what Barkley does next year! Imagine it, his chiseled body glistening in the warm Cali sun, throwing TD after TD after TD without breaking a sweat. I drew a picture of this scenario and put it on his facebook page. He defriended me, but I think it was because he would rather focus on the game and not be distracted by the mysterious bond that connects us.
Matt Barkley....oh Matt.
Anyways, on to Lane Kiffin, or as I like to call him, U-S-C means Vic-to-Ry Lane! YEAHHHHH! I don't like to throw the word genuis around a lot, because as an honest to God genuis (all my friends say so), I don't want to water down the word. However, it doesn't take 2.3 GPA from UC-Davis to see that Lane Kiffin is the greatest genuis in the history of football! He learned it from the man himself, so you know he will continue on the legacy of the greatest coach by being the best greatest coach USC has ever had! If he can recruit good players to that armpit of a school in the Rocky Mountains, imagine what he can do in Hollywood? NFL players will be lining up to play for USC with Victory Lane! I bet Peyton Manning is ****** he doesn't have eligibility, although he would have to ride the pine behind Marvelous Matt.
I don't know why Tennessee fans are mad at Lane anyways. If you had a choice, would you rather be at the best school, in the best town in America, or some craphole stain in the midwest like Tennessee. They should be happy that he was able to crawl out of that hell hole and make something of himself, but there is no pleasing some people. He has already acheived more in his life than the entire state combined, so who cares.
They are probably mad his hot wife came with him. DAMMMMNNN! If he can get a chick like that, he can do anything. She is so hot. I just wish I was her sometimes.
AWWW ****. I am getting pulled over. These cops are always on your *** when you type and drive. I am gonna try and out run 'em, so I had better let you go. Catch you guys later! SCREW YOU PIGS!!!!![/i][/size]