With the major minds in the Big Ten wikkiup rewriting cherished traditions like changing “The Game” to a game, or dumping the “You’d think a brass bull would have a brass package Trophy,” it’s pretty obvious someone with a sense of history and decorum needs to come up with some new ones. That would be me.

Actually, last year I began to establish B10 traditions that will last a lifetime, or until they don’t apply anymore. By B10 traditions I mean Iowa traditions, of course. Go Hawks,...